Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My many many many lovers....

VS.

So I finally got my dream machine... My dad offered to buy my little green fighting machine in lieu of a wedding present 9 years over due. Can you believe it? I am most shocked that my vagrant status hasn't got me kicked me out of "the club" yet. It's been about 6 months and I've gone through 5 machines - all of them graciously loaned by unsuspecting "trusting" sewers. First there was "the Brother" (from Ashley) - simple & easy, nothing too complicated or out of my skill zone. Then I moved on to my longest affair with "the other Brother" (from Jill's unsuspecting Aunt - ignorance is bliss, right?) - really similar to Ashley's - very simple and functional. Nothing fancy pants or complicated. Jill let me use her can't-remember-the-brand-so-it-must-have-been-a-one-sided-fling (probably another other other Brotha) after she got "Hans". I did have a short stint with the fair and Nordic "Hans" (Jill's Husqvarna) - I must say it was too short and sweet, but his delicate Norwegian ways left a lasting impression on me.

My last Lexus of machines (Thanks to my mother-minus-the-in-law, Annette and the signed afit-davit, as well as the lien on my car in order to touch the prize of machines) again reinforced the my love for all things Nordic, Swiss, Swedish... you get the picture. My sisters (aka "the Bernina Belches" - all own Bernina's - every last blasted one of them) Maybe it was calling out to my inner roots - My 5th great grandma (my namesake) is from somewhere cold, blonder, and clean in the nether regions of Europe. My wee baby sis (the only other one without a machine), bought a Singer while I was there only to return it and succumbed to her fate. She Stepford wife-ishly bought a Bernette almost without thought, by the way, "Bernette" as she is lovingly called is none other than Bernina's cheap slutty little sis.

So I did what any other red blooded American apronista in search of a long lasting blond lover would do, I ditched the Singer. I had enough of the promises of hot dogs, acid wash jeans, bleach blond, drug deals in the back alley street charm, and went for the sleek hard bodied, chocolate loving Swiss Miss, Bernette. It wasn't an easy choice. I debated back and forth, read a bizillion online reviews, watched the HSN, and looked at as many actual machines that I could get my hands on... But I did it - I left the streets and my little green fighting machine (Rocky Balboa) for something Swiss with the slight smell of chocolate. Her name is Bernette and she is made by Bernina. Her older socialite sisters are out of my league (those machines BEGIN at 650$ - my sisters machines are all over $800 - yeah. no shocker there, so I'm not the favorite... not even in the top 4). Anyway, I renegotiated with the retired and easily persuaded Daddy Warbucks and settled for a little lamb closer to my price range ($400) and it just so happened that there was an older Bernette Serger (Bernette's very sturdy and strong, not so pretty, but very functional cousin) also for sale for $149.00. So with the generous help of my coincidentally (?) blond husband and retired Dad. I got both. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it "Bernina Belches" - none of them have a Serger. Nannie-Nannie-the-Boo-Boo (as James would say) and YAHHHHHOOOOO!!! I am so happy. I might change my citizenship and become neutral and indifferent to everything.

3 comments:

The Blakes said...

Well then, it's official. I am now at the bottom of the totem pole in this group with my Sears machine.

I think she's a very pretty machine. Bernina's, like luxury cars, are soooo over rated. (That's what we poor folk say to make ourselves feel better.)

The McMillans said...

You go girl, I am so glad you were able to get your dream machine for your birhday...having a serger, well that puts you in a league all your own. You go sister, you makes your aprons with your bad-a--sewing machine!

Aubs

Jill Manning said...

Maren, you were already well out of our league with all the aprons you have whipped up but now you have really done it, a new machine of your very own and a Serger? I now know why we have Apron Night at your house, you have the best toys! You totally deserve it! Now, you just need to dye your hair blonde, put one some neider-houssens (I know that is now how you spell it but you get my drift) and stand in your door way and sing, opera style of course, "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music!"

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